Once upon a time in a small Tri County town there was a lovely suburban family. This family was god fearing and fiscally responsible, they loved guns, hated the gays, and generally did everything right. One day this sweet, unsuspecting, blue eyed baby Jesus loving family fell under attack by satan, only they didn’t know it.
What happened you ask?
Their small unassuming town allowed in a farmers market co-op.
Being fiscally responsible the misses of the family didn’t realize the dangers at first. She happily visited the market for fresh high quality produce, meat, and dairy straight from farm to table. The family happily consumed every fresh and delicious morsel as the lady of the kitchen got more comfortable with the co-op.
When she became a member she met people. People with strange ideas. It wasn’t long before her table was bedecked in more produce and less meat. Eventually she outright abandoned the holy trinity of meat, vegetable and potato at every meal. She started venturing off into slow cooker meals and *gasp* dried beans for protein and fiber!!!!
As a matter of fact it wasn’t long before every grain at her table was unprocessed and full of fiber!
All of this happened slowly, bite by bite. So consumed with the fresh flavor they didn’t even notice what they were becoming!
It all came to a head when they had a special visitor for the holidays; Their hippy dippy potist cousin from the California.
He waltzed in the door with golden complexion, shining hair, and .1% body fat. He congratulated the family on their enlightened food choices and lulled them even further off the path of Christian eating with his cherubic face and talk of Doctors named Furber. He suggested they remove meat from their diet all together and become VEGNOSTIC!!!!
The Misses of the house was excited by the idea as it was her original sin of stepping foot into the co-op that lead the family astray. The rest were indifferent and easily led further into Satanism by their mother, the way Eve corrupted Adam with her Feminist agenda. The snake in the grass atheist cousin shared recipes, cooking tips, meals, and little did the family know at the time he also shared DEATH!
Three sad weeks after the family went full vegnostic they died. The coroner’s official report states the cause was spontaneous malnutrition brought about by an extreme and unnatural vegnostic diet. To add insult to injury they found that the youngest child had actually been struggling greatly with chronic vegatosis (the compulsion to consume fruits and vegetables raw, thereby losing all of the slight nutrition accumulated in cooking them, rendering them into empty calories) for some time before the family expired.
I hope if you read this you will share their sad story and help inform the world of vegnosticisms deadly dangers. We need to stop this terrifying trend from spreading across America, the greatest nation on earth! The next time you see a farmers market stand ask yourself WWJD? Then flip that organic kale stand over and beat the ever loving crap out of those atheist veggie pushers, just like Jesus lit into the money changers! FOR GOD AND COUNTRY!