Authors of a new study out of Dudebro Internet University are coming under fire today for unorthodox research methods and the controversial results they posted. In a study spanning several minutes researchers attempted to answer the age-old question that has eluded so many internet social alt-scientists before them, what do women want?
They came up with an unconventional protocol that not only has never been done, but also has garnered excessive criticism, some going so far as to call it cruel and others likening it to gathering agricultural data by simply asking the cows for it.
The source of all this hostility? Implementing survey data collection. They asked women directly what they want. Since conventional wisdom dictates that women are capable of neither truth, nor enjoying anything that doesn’t revolve around slowly crumbling the soul of the men who love them, the post was immediately subjected to heavy scrutiny with comments such as the one below pouring in:
“Well, if all we needed to do to find out what woman want was to ask them, don’t you think we’d have figured it out by now? On a daily basis we see woman reject wonderful men in favor of dicks, we have testimonials from millions of men worldwide who assure us that every woman who ever rejected them did so because some bigger asshole came along. Are we just going to ignore all that data? Assume that these men somehow have the story wrong? Are we truly supposed to believe that these individuals have a distorted view of what’s happening and that their rejection could be for multiple reasons, including but not limited to overwhelming whininess and a propensity to blame everyone else for their problems? It’s not like those are even turnoffs. I have it on high authority that woman love that stuff. Have I ever asked a woman about it? Of course not, that would be stupid.” – Paul Randiclone, Forchan University
What women think of this controversy likely won’t be uncovered until well after all the opinions of what men think women probably think have been explored. It is a strategy often used with minority populations as well. Their opinion of any given topic is rarely noted until all the thoughts of white people on what the minority populations are likely thinking have been analyzed.
The internet alt-scientific community at large will get to the bottom of it as soon as they come up with a hypothesis that manages to ignore what women really think while portraying them as intellectually inferior, highlighting their cruelty, and fear mongering. Also very similar to the way racial minority issues are handled.
On a positive note however there is currently a team trying to prove women giving men more blow jobs will create world peace and create a new species of cat that poops gold nuggets, but progress has been surprisingly limited as one of the researchers is currently under investigation for animal cruelty, after accusations surfaced that he force fed his moms cat gold nuggets to skew his data.