We’ve all been there, someone posts a political story or meme on social media and we just can’t resist voicing our opinion, one thing turns into another, and an all-out battle of words begins. It’s easy to get drawn in but it’s much harder to convey your message succinctly, get your point across and most of all, to win!

Luckily those days are about to end thanks to the new debate technique sweeping political pages across the web.What if I told you with one simple step you too could win EVERY debate?  With two simple words you could crush any opponent who has the audacity to disagree? Well it’s true! That’s right, all the reading, research, cherry picking of google links and scouring obscure blogs with radical ideas that support your own is completely unnecessary when you can simply type FAKE NEWS in all caps.

You might think this sounds too good to be true but I suggest you try it for yourself before scoffing.  Join any political group and when the opposition starts to parade an endless stream of facts and data simply type FAKE NEWS and watch the respect flow for your mad debate skills.  No one will dare oppose you before long, not because talking to you is pointless chatter flung at unsteady wall, but because they know you have what it takes to win.  Men will want to be your friend and women will fling their panties at your no nonsense approach.  You will be an internet rock star crushing all those that stand in your way.

You might wonder how this works with someone who actually understands what fake news is, like say some uppity millennial. Worry not, this technique is unstoppable.  Predictably said worthless excuse for our countries youth will call you out stating that they have verified the facts through multiple outlets including the source. It doesn’t matter that you have no clue what that means, the work around is simple, repeat the same attack without acknowledging them in any way. You are a literary wrecking ball my friend.  Become one with caps lock, channel your anger at everything that doesn’t support your wild and implausible beliefs.

What about your own fake news you ask?  What about those rumors of your favorite state supporting TV station hosting fake experts, broadcasting fake statistics and giving air time to pundits peddling fake massacres?

Well you won’t have to worry about that because most of these losers on the internet have a desire to honestly express themselves, that is what makes this tactic so powerful. They have standards and will probably try to have an honest debate until it becomes clear that is impossible. By then it is too late, you have already sent the waves of doubt and dog whistles through the internet with your powerful unwavering double standard.  You are the champion!  Revel in the silence; it’s not an indicator of your shitty personality and low IQ but rather the sound of victory!  Simple minded victory.

comfakenews

 

 

Advertisements